Hold It Lightly

What happens when you stop forcing the answer?

I’ve noticed something in common among my clients.
They all want answers.

Why?
Why do you want answers?
Why do you ask questions?

Is it because:
You want to improve?
You don't want it to be all your fault?
You want reasons for why you feel the way you do?
You want to make sense of the world?
Because you don't ever want to feel this way again?

Is that you?

I know I can see myself in that.

When do you find you ask the most questions?
Is it when things have gone wrong?

That's normal.

When things don't go as planned, do you find you want to extract as much value from the experience as possible so you never have to do this again?
Do you loop on questions trying to find all the answers?
Does it feel like you have a stranglehold on the issue, trying to wring out the reason why?

Thinking that "if I can find the right answer, I will suddenly feel better. Things will make sense"

Why did I do that?
Why did he do that?
Why did he dump me?
What can I do better?
How do I improve?
What happens if I don't?

I'm not poo-pooing asking questions. 
I applaud it. Along with seeking self improvement.

But I’ve noticed the answers that evade us most come from the questions we grip too tightly, trying to squeeze every drop of information out of it.
Desperate to extract the “right” answer. As though there is only one.

Because somehow our worth is entangled in our ability to find the answer. To learn from it. To never repeat this mistake.

Do you find that?

Often, the hardest part in finding the answer to those questions... is to step back.
Loosen your grip. 
Allow it to breathe.
And hold it lightly.

Why is it so hard to loosen our grip on certain questions?
Because loosening our grip requires trust.

Trust you can handle the outcome.
Trust you are a good person.
Trust you are good enough.

So for today, here’s what I want to encourage you to try.

The next time you find yourself in this situation, peppering yourself with questions.
Why this, why that, why the other, ask the same questions…

But release your stranglehold on the answers.

Hold it lightly.

See what comes to you.

Notice how that feels in your body.

Trusting you will learn.
Trusting you can handle it.
Trusting.

You may be surprised by what you draw toward yourself when you stop forcing the answers and start holding your problem lightly.
 

I'm keen to hear how you go.
Stephanie


PS: Loosening your grip doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you trust yourself to find the answer. If that trust feels hard to access, know that’s normal, and it’s something you can build.